EP GOP Race: The Girls are Fighting!

I spend a lot of time holding my own Party accountable. If you only read my stuff, you might think Democrats are the main attraction in the local political circus.

Let me clarify something.

For all our flaws, dysfunction, group chats that should have never existed, and candidates who think Canva is a personality trait, the local GOP is an absolute clown car with bald tires and expired registration.

I just do not talk about them much.

Why?

Because they are not relevant.

I treat them like I treat my haters. If you are not relevant to the outcome, I forget you exist. Out of sight, out of mind. Like MySpace.

But apparently I have been neglecting the comedy gold mine happening across the aisle.

So let’s talk about the fight for Chair of the El Paso County Republican Party.

The contenders are Al Lujan and Mike Aboud.

I do not know much about Lujan.

Aboud, however, is the current Chair. And how do I say this gently?

Meh, I guess I will not.

He is not very bright.

Now, to be fair, he has managed to recruit more sacrificial lambs for the semiannual November slaughter. So yes, the bench is deeper.

The problem is the quality of the bench.

You do not get credit for filling out a roster if half your team showed up without reading the rulebook.

Let’s start with the congressional race.

They have a former judge who was removed from office in a sex for favorable decisions scandal running for Congress.

Yes. That sentence is real.

He is running against someone named Deliris.

No, I did not make that up.

Deliris.

And listen, I do not normally make fun of people’s names.

But when your name is Deliris and your political career has run as a Democrat, an Independent, and now a Republican, I am going to observe that the branding writes itself.

Homegirl has completed the full political Pokémon evolution cycle.

You can keep both of them.

In fact, I am feeling generous.

You can also keep anti-immigrant Judge Marlene Gonzalez and her sister Mayte. We will take a player to be named later. Maybe someone who can locate their own district on a map. Hell, we'll take a fucking fruit basked in trade for those two. 

Actually - each of those races deserve their own post so I'll do a piece about each of those races starting tomorrow....

Now back to the Chair fight.

Apparently Lujan is mad that Aboud is taking sides in primaries.

Which, for those who do not know, is a big no-no for party chairs.

Now, let’s not pretend both parties have not occasionally put a discreet thumb on the scale over the last 50 years.

But discreet is the key word.

According to Lujan, Aboud sent out an email titled:

“Voter’s Guide: Endorsements and Recommendations from EP Cnt Republican Chairman.”

Yes.

Cnt.

I promise you I did not misspell that.

You cannot make this up. But what else do you expect from the Party that says to grab women by the pussy?

The fight is now spilling onto the Neighborhood App.

The Neighborhood App.

The digital homeland of lost dogs, suspicious teenagers walking at 3 pm, and Carmens reporting that someone rang the doorbell and did not leave a note.

This is where the GOP is campaigning.

Not organizing.

Not building infrastructure.

Not registering voters.

Campaigning on the app that was designed to unite every Carmen within a five mile radius into a single, vibrating group chat of anxiety.

If this is the future of conservative organizing in El Paso, then Democrats can go ahead and take a nap.

Look, I will continue holding my own Party accountable.

But every once in a while, it is healthy to look across the aisle and remember that the so-called opposition cannot even figure out what district they live in.

Chairman Aboud wants credit for recruiting more candidates.

Fine.

But you also own the quality of the candidates.

You own the scandal-ridden judge.

You own Deliris and her political identity / personality crisis.

You own the New York transplant who needed the State to explain geography.

And now you own a Chair race that looks like it was organized in the comments section of the Neighborhood App.

Lujan further alleges that no one has been keeping the books for the GOP either...it would be a shame if the Democratic Party got wind of that...oh wait...too late. 

But thanks for the tip Lujan!

El Paso deserves serious political discourse.

What we are getting is a clown car fighting over who gets to drive.

Pass the popcorn.