Funniest Press Release I've Ever Seen From a Candidate

I get a lot of press releases and I make note of what they say. I read all of them. Occassionally I pass them on and once in a while I attend something.

If you are on the press list for Jaime O. Perez, Republican candidate for County Judge, then you get a bazillion press releases.

If his intent was to get noticed, mission accomplished because here is the last one Perez sent. I have to give him credit, its pretty damn funny, especially if you like A Few Good Men.

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El Paso, Texas - September 3, 2010 - Jaime O. Perez (R), County Judge candidate released a faux transcript (below) of a meeting with Ben Bernanke, Chairman of the Federal Reserve.


Ben Bernanke: You want answers?

Jaime O. Perez: I think as an American I'm entitled to them.

Ben Bernanke: You want answers?

Jaime O. Perez: I want the truth!

Ben Bernanke: You can't handle the truth!
Boy! We live in a world that has walls and borders. They are there by design. We do it in order to control those within those borders and keep out those that must be imprisoned and controlled within other borders we have created at will.

And those borders have to be guarded by men with guns.

Who's gonna do it?

You?

You, Barack Hussein Obama? You, Mitch McConnell? You, Harry Reid? You, Nancy Pelosi? You, John Boehner?

I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for "Americans" and the "unemployed". You weep for the illegal criminal "Santiagos" and you curse the bankers.

You have that luxury.

You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that the death of illegals, the hunger of American children, the decapitations in Mexico, the car bombs in Iraq, the live torchings in Afghanistan, while grotesque and tragic, saves important lives, those lives with value and wealth. My actions and that of international bankers keep control over the out of control population of barely human, ignorant masses and captures raw materials necessary for those we want to survive, to do so!

And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves the global system and ensures your survival, the survival of your insipid and irrelevant existence.

You don't want the truth!

Because deep down, in places you don't talk about at political parties, you want me controlling your lives and your borders.

You need me controlling the world's wealth. You need me on that wall. You need me keeping Mexicans in Mexico, Chinese in China and Greeks in Greece.

We use words like fundamentals, financials, leverage, creditworthiness and assets...we use these words as the backbone to a life spent defending the wealth of our shareholders. They mean something.

You use 'em as a punchline!

You use them as smokescreen for your pathetic little life of poverty and pseudo-intellectual yammerings!

I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very control I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide it!

I'd rather you just said thank you and went on your way earning your sad, symbolic little pieces of paper TO WHICH WE GIVE VALUE that you call dollars!

Otherwise, I suggest you buy a share of stock in our banks and sell longer and more colorful AND worthless pieces of paper that provide commodities to ignorant fools that can't afford them while they bask in the glow of their pathetic pornographic fetishes and suffocating consumerism.

Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you're entitled to!

Jaime O. Perez: Did you order the trillion dollar bail out for the international banks to increase claim on American and Chinese labor and global raw materials?

Ben Bernanke: I did the job of the federal reserve. I did the job I am here to do!

Jaime O. Perez: Answer the question!

Did you order Obama to bailout the banks with taxpayer dolalrs KNOWING the too big to fail policy would create chronic unemployment for 10 years!

Ben Bernanke: You're goddamn right I did!! And there is not a fricking thing you can do about it! What are you going to do? Eliminate the Federal Reserve, print and control your own money and regain control of your small worthless piece of real estate called the US of A?

You! In your delusionally fancy Tide with Bleach washed cotton Mexican shirt?

You messed with the wrong banker. Someone fricking call the new US Attorney I placed in his district and order him to unleash the bitches and investigate and indict this sommamitch. NOW!

Jaime O. Perez: My fellow Americans. You are the Judge and Jury. You now know the truth. I ask that you find the federal reserve, their international banking interests and representatives in Congress and the White House, Guilty! and sentence them to a loss of their privileged position as Americas bankers and leaders.

Let us retake our country and our currency and recommit to the fundamental principles of our founding document. AND BEWARE their law enforcement arms! "